Office Meets Playground: Acknowledge their emotions

Ah, to be a two year old. Curious about the world. Exuberant. Into everything. Throwing yourself on the floor at the mere idea of a waffle cut in half.

In the course of taking care of two two and a half year olds, I'm constantly at the mercy of emotional meltdowns that, in my opinion, are over the top, irrational, and just plain annoying. Through reading about parenting, though, I've learned not to just dismiss my children's zany emotional tirades but to acknowledge them - even if I can't do anything about it. So I often find myself in a conversation about how yes, it is very sad that the waffle broke into two pieces, and yes, it is terrible that we can't put it back together. And yes, life is hard.

Yesterday, I was in a business meeting that also started out with some very strong emotions. A team member who was expected to be there had in fact not been planning on attending the meeting, and one of my colleagues was visibly upset. Before I even started to tell her that it was OK that the person wasn't there and that the rest of us were capable of handling the meeting quite well, I acknowledged that she was upset and assured her that although I couldn't change the situation in the moment I would make sure that her feelings were addressed in subsequent meetings. According to a colleague, she visibly calmed immediately.

I hate to sound like I'm comparing my colleagues to two year olds, but the truth is that we all get emotional when our expectations aren't met, when we're disappointed, or sometimes, for no reason at all. And just like kids need their emotions acknowledged before they can move on, sometimes our teammates and our clients need the same thing. Just showing that you're willing to listen and respect another person's emotion state can often be enough to calm them. It even works with my husband.

Goodlife Pet Food

My dog has recently given up eating her dog food, leaving her food in her bowl to linger for hours,so I was on the lookout for a new brand for her to try the other day at Target. We usually buy her the Whole Foods brand food, so I was pleased to find not one but two different versions of natural dog food on the shelf at my local superstore.



One is called Goodlife Recipe and I had to look at the small print on the back of the bag to see that it was owned by Mars, which owns Pedigree. The other was an Iams product, a line extension called healthy naturals.

Normally, I would by Iams and I would never by Pedigree, but I was swayed by Goodlife. First of all, it is courageous of Mars to launch and entirely new brand (I later found out that they started a new division). And Iams was pushing the health angle - with language about antioxidants on the label. I'm a sucker for healthy, organic, natural, sustainable, etc., but I couldn't help thinking "really, antioxidants, for my dog?" Goodlife, on the other hand, was making a 'real food' claim that was much more compelling. So I tossed a bag into my cart, gave it to my dog for dinner and she quickly gobbled the entire bowl.

In an era where you can find Natural Cheetos on the shelf of both mainstream and premium grocery stores, its no surprise that natural dog foods have hit the shelves. But it is interesting to think about whether benefits that are compelling for your children can and should transfer directly to your pets. The different branding choices that Mars and P&G have made are interesting, too. Are more people compelled by a natural version of their tried and true brand than an entirely new brand that they know nothing about? I don't have the sales data to know. But starting a new division around a premium natural food looks like a company making a commitment that I personally wanted to reward.

Office Meets Playground: New Weekly Column

I spent a few years before having children worrying about how I was going to be able to continue to do the engaging work of research, strategy, design and innovation and also have a rich family life in which I'm very involved in raising my children. To be honest, I'm still trying to figure it all out, but it's gone from an acute concern to an understanding that it will always be a work in progress.

A critical element driving that shift is knowing that there are things that I learn at work that are very useful to me as a parent. And there are things I learn as a parent that help me at work. I'm starting this weekly column in the spirit of sharing those moments when I am reminded that my life isn't about a battle between the work me and the family me, rather it's about how work, family and other interests combine to create a life. So here goes:

Emotional Rollercoasters
One of the things I’ve learned from work is around setting expectations. The work that we do is often ambiguous and we often take our clients through a process is is scary, uncontrollable and unlike anything they’ve ever been involved in before. And we need to get through that process so that we can generate ideas that are both truly new and really good business ideas. (It turns out its easy to come up with ideas that are new and bad, but that’s a whole different post.)

One way that we address the issue of clients calling in a panic about the process is to set expectations as soon as the project begins. We share a document called The Emotional Rollercoaster that gives them a sense of what they’re likely to feel, when. It highlights ups and downs that we’ve seen clients go through time and time again. This is a great opening into a conversation about the emotional side of innovation. It also provides a tool for us to talk about during the moments when people really begin to panic. Reminding them that it’s common and necessary doesn’t ease the pain, but it makes the pain more bearable.

The conversations I have with my kids are, of course, a little less heady. But kids require the same kinds of expectation setting so that they can be emotionally prepared for what’s coming next. That applies to little things: I always have to warn them in advance when I’m about to cut a bagel in half and give them each half a bagel instead of a whole one. And it applies to the big things: their nanny, grandmother, father and I talked a lot about what would happen when they started school and developed an entirely new routine. While helping them anticipate what they’re going to experience and potentially feel doesn’t always mean I can help them avoid feeling it, it does leave the door open to helping them make sense of their emotion and, ultimately, get past it. Which means we can spend less time focusing on the emotional cost of an activity and more time doing it.

Context does matter!

My very first entry isn't going to be about introducing an idea that's new to the world. Rather, its a reminder of something that we all know and that we all sometimes forget. Context matters.

The photo above was taken at the Phillies game on Saturday. A game that, sadly, we lost, although the team went on to win the game and the division on Sunday.

What was amazing about Saturday's game was the energy of the crowd. Note the cheering. The homemade flag. (Yes, that's a rally towel, taped to a crutch, with band-aids. Nice.) You can see that everyone in the stands is standing up. Imagine the noise of over 44,000 people screaming. What's really impressive about that moment is that they're not cheering for a home run, or an out, or even a hit. They're cheering because the opposing pitcher just threw a ball. Because of the significance of the game, a play that would have been of minor importance in almost any other context takes on great meaning.

And why should you care? Well, because that doesn't just happen in baseball. On an individual level, it happens every time you enter a room to have a conversation with someone, ask for something, or give a presentation. We tend to think that other people's response to us is about, well, us. But actually, its often more about whether they're having a good day or not, how hungry they are, or if there's another drama in their lives that's taking most of their attention.

This matters to consultants because the work that we do can't be thought about in isolation. We have to take into account all the work that's been done before us, and the steps that are going to have to be taken after our project is completed in order to ensure implementation. The context of the organization and how the work fits into that context is as important as the quality of the work.

Finally, it matters to researchers and designers, because we have to understand the broader context of people's lives to really understand what their needs are, how they'll use the products we design for them, and whether they'll make lives better or more complicated.

Sometimes, no one is paying that much attention to the game. Sometimes the people are on the edge of their seats on each and every pitch. It's important to know when and why. Putting experiences into context isn't rocket science, but it can make the difference between success and failure.

Oh, and go Phillies!